Snakes and Ladders
by lkcrm94
Summary: Calvin and Hobbes play another friendly board game…Did I say "friendly"?
1. Chapter 1

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: I'm back, with my first fanfic of 2012…though to be honest, I've been writing this fanfic on-off for about a year now :-/**

**I was partly inspired by my own experiences playing board games (_Frustration_ was the worst; it was such an unfair and mean game, and I think the dice-popper thing had it in for me) and also by some of those comic strips where Calvin and Hobbes are playing some kind of board game together (the _Scrabble_ one is the strip everybody remembers).**

* * *

It was raining heavily. The sky was a very dark grey, and the clouds showed no sign of dispersing. The heavy rain splashed onto the ground and puddles were appearing left, right and centre. Occasionally, a bolt of lightning would tear through the clouds, followed by a thunder clap that would take less and less time to follow the lightning. Only a few people dared to step outside, and they ran through the streets trying desperately to get to their destinations quicker and out of the rain.

Calvin sat by the bedroom window, gazing out at the miserable weather.

"Just typical of the weather," Calvin said. "Just as we're about to play Calvinball outside, the rain starts pouring down."

"Why can't we just have a game of Calvinball _inside_ the house?" asked Hobbes. He was sitting by the bed, scrawling on some of Calvin's comics with a green crayon.

"There's not enough room in the house," replied Calvin, "and Mom said if we played Calvinball in the house one more time, I'd be out the door instantly."

"Really? Wow. What made your Mom get so mad?"

"So you're in denial?" Calvin asked. Hobbes frowned at the sudden question. "You know how you were the one who knocked over that vase when we last played Calvinball indoors?"

"What? That was you!" Hobbes protested.

"That's what Mom said when I told her the _truth_. She said you couldn't have done anything. Isn't something seriously wrong there?"

"What is?"

"How I get blamed for _your_ actions?"

"Oh…Well, I'm sure there's something else we could do to pass the time," said Hobbes.

"Like what?" Calvin asked, a little miffed that Hobbes had suddenly changed the subject.

"Like, uh…" Hobbes looked around the room, and his eyes stopped at the closet. "…Games?" He opened the closet door and looked inside. "…How about Monopoly?"

"No. That's a boring game! It takes too long."

"Well, there's still other things," said Hobbes. "What about Tiddlywinks?"

"Are you kidding?" Calvin responded. "It's only fun to play that at dinner, and with food."

"What about making paper aeroplanes?"

"No. Paper aeroplanes are for classroom use only."

"Well, what about Snakes and Ladders? It's not boring, and it can be played anywhere."

Calvin sighed. "Fine then," he muttered. "Anything to pass the time. You'd better not cheat though, because I know what you're like."

Hobbes took a box out of the closet and placed it on the floor. Calvin made his way over and Hobbes opened the box. Inside the box was a folded-up board, some different coloured counters, two dice, and a humongous rulebook with a thickness twice that of the Bible and containing what looked like a million pages.

Calvin and Hobbes set the game up. The board unfolded, revealing the game, and they each placed a small counter– a green one for Calvin and a yellow one for Hobbes – at the side of the board. The rulebook was placed on the bed.

"Well, that's everything set up," Hobbes commented. "Who goes first?"

"I don't know. We could toss a coin to decide. Have you got a quarter with you?"

"Or we could check the rules," Hobbes said firmly. He reached for the Snakes and Ladders rulebook.

"You don't need to look in there," said Calvin. "You must realise that you don't need to be governed by strict, repressive rules in _games_."

"This coming from the Dictator-for-life of G.R.O.S.S.," Hobbes returned with a grin. He scanned through the contents pages. "Let's see…'Getting started', pages 52 to 317…It says here that the youngest goes first."

There was a pause. "So…that means I go first," Calvin added.

Hobbes put the heavy book back on the bed and handed one of the dice over to Calvin. "Pretty much. You have to roll a 6 to make your first move."

"Yeah, yeah," Calvin muttered. "It's stupid that there are squares on the board numbered one to five, but they're never used because of having to roll a 6," he commented. Calvin rolled the die, and it landed on a 3.

"Ah, never mind. My turn," said Hobbes, and he reached to take the die, but Calvin took it before him.

"No, it's still my turn," said Calvin. He rolled the die again, and it landed on a 2.

"What are you doing? No its not! You've had your go, and it wasn't a 6!" Hobbes demanded as Calvin rolled the die for a third time, this time landing on a 3 again.

"But if I don't roll a 6, the game can't start! It all depends on me," Calvin replied.

"But I can roll a 6 to start as well."

"But the youngest goes first, so _I_ have to roll the 6."

Hobbes gave Calvin a quizzical look. He eventually raised his paws in the air and said "Fine, fine."

Calvin rolled the die for another go, and it landed on a 5. "Rats!" he cursed. "So close, and yet so far!"

"Oh boy," Hobbes sighed to himself. "Something tells me this isn't going to end well."

* * *

**Um…apologies to fans of _Monopoly_.**


	2. Chapter 2

_Calvin is not even on square 1._

_Hobbes is not on square 1 either._

* * *

A while later, and Calvin was still trying to roll a 6 without any luck. Hobbes was getting impatient as his claws drummed against the floor.

"You know, other people are waiting for their turn," he said.

"NOT YET!" Calvin shrieked. He rolled the die, and it landed on a 4. "This is ridiculous!"

"Just move forward six spaces and let me take my turn," said Hobbes.

"NO! That would be cheating!" Calvin argued. He rolled the die again, and it landed on a 1. "Gargh! The 85th time and 6 _still_ hasn't showed up! These dice must be loaded!"

"They can't be loaded. We don't have any loaded or biased dice."

"These _are_ loaded!" Calvin looked at the die before him. "This one is definitely biased against me winning, so they must have something devious about them!"

"It's not the end of the world if you don't roll a 6."

"Yes it is! What if you were captured by some evil villain and you had to roll a 6 or else he or she would blow the world up, because it's unfair to say all villains are men?" Calvin rolled the die, and it landed on a 3. "See? That would've ended in Armageddon!"

"Here, let me try," said Hobbes. He took the die and rolled it. It landed on a 6.

Calvin's mouth hung open in shock. There was silence. Then Calvin began pounding the ground with his fists in a tantrum. "It's rigged! Now the 6 has been wasted on you! HOW COULD YOU?" he wailed.

"Well you take it then," said Hobbes.

Immediately, Calvin stopped wailing and moved his counter to the sixth square. "Ha ha!" he laughed. "I am winning! You're left in the dust!"

"Like I said, this isn't going to end well," Hobbes said to himself as he rolled the die. "What fun."

* * *

**Yeah, that was a short chapter, but I felt it flowed a bit better as a seperate chapter to the previous one rather than be part of the same chapter. I should say now that from this chapter onwards, there will be a 'scoreboard' of how far Calvin and Hobbes are in their game at the beginning of them.**


	3. Chapter 3

_Calvin is on square 37_

_Hobbes is on square 29_

* * *

It was once again Calvin's turn. The die landed on a 1. But Calvin moved his counter six spaces forward. "Your turn," he said.

"Hang on a minute! Hold everything!" Hobbes yelled.

"Come on, Hobbes! It's your go. _Other people are waiting for their turn, _you know."

"Not until you explain _that_!" Hobbes demanded, pointing at the die and Calvin's counter. "You rolled a 1 and you moved six spaces! That's not fair!"

"It is fair," replied Calvin. "There's a rule saying that you can move forward the value that's facing the floor. So I can move six squares."

Hobbes glared at him suspiciously. "I've never heard _that_ rule before. Where's the rulebook?" he asked as he looked around him. The book was still on the bed, where Hobbes had left it. Hobbes reached for it and looked through the vast contents page. "Let's see…"

"While you're looking that rule up," said Calvin, "have a look through pages 4873 to 5031 to see if your method of climbing up the snakes is fair as well."

Hobbes scowled at what Calvin said, and put the rulebook down. "Tigers are good climbers," he muttered.

"But you're not _in_ this game. All you've got to represent yourself here is an inanimate chunk of lifeless blue plastic that has no ego, that doesn't have the same abilities as anything, and whose existence is merely to cross from squares one – I mean 'six' – to one hundred," Calvin said, trying to sound clever and philosophical. "Every counter is the same, and none of them can climb a snake, so there."

Hobbes grudgingly sat back down and rolled the die. It landed on a 3. "So this 'rule' says that if I roll a 3, I can move forward four?" he asked.

"No," said Calvin. "You can only do that if the three values on the die before this one add up to make 15."

"Oh? What three numbers did you roll before you rolled the 1?"

"Uh…5, 2 and 4?"

Hobbes frowned. "They don't make 15!" he said.

"Prove it. What do they equal then?"

Hobbes picked up a piece of paper and a pencil and began explaining. "Well, 5+2+4 is clearly not going to equal 15, is it?" he said, writing the numbers on the paper. He proceeded to write a complicated equation down. "You've got two additions, so the second one gets cancelled out because two additions can't work together. This also means that the final value is going to involve division to solve it. So the final answer has to be assigned to Y, because there is no 'Y' in the word 'division'. So you take the divisible value, which is the 4 because it's separate from the 5+2 after cancelling the addition out, and you then put it onto the other side, next to Y. There's your division: Y÷4. Now you need to put any odd numbers onto the other side as well, because Y divided by anything will always be a prime number if you don't, and you won't be able to work the answer out. So you add 5 to 4 to get your denouncinator, which is 7. Now you're left with 2=Y÷7, so all you need to work out now is what you divide by 7 to get 2. So, obviously, the answer is 13, not 15. See?"

**[Actually, 5+2+4=11, but Hobbes has proved his point anyway.]**

Calvin had not been paying very much – if any – attention to Hobbes's lecture. He had practically zoned out as he stared at the game. He tuned back in as Hobbes was finishing his point. "Therefore," Hobbes continued, "that means that you can't follow that 'rule' you said existed. So you have to move back five squares because you rolled a 1." He had a look on his face that said _I've caught you out_.

"Well if the answer is 13," said Calvin, "then that means I can go forward by a number on the side of the die instead of the top or the bottom." He looked at the die, and pointed. "I choose 5, so I'll go back a square to keep you happy."

He picked up the counter and moved it back one square. Hobbes still didn't look too happy.

"Who would've thought Snakes & Ladders was so complicated? There are too many rules," Calvin wondered as he looked at the board game and the complex equation Hobbes had written out.

Hobbes nodded in agreement. "I don't like this rule about adding up the values you get when rolling the die," he said. "Can't we just scrap that rule?"

"Yeah," said Calvin. "It's too much like school, and you would've run out of paper for adding up those values." He watched as Hobbes picked the die up to take his turn. "Who comes up with these rules anyway?" Calvin asked to nobody in particular.


	4. Chapter 4

_Calvin is on square 63_

_Hobbes is on square 57_

* * *

"Show me a 6!" Calvin said to no-one in particular, and he shook his fist in the air, rattling the die in his hand, preparing to roll it across the floor.

Suddenly, there was a loud knock at the bedroom door. Calvin yelped and opened his hand, sending the die hurtling through the air and landing somewhere in the room. Hobbes got up and went over to the door. Calvin watched as the die tumbled away into the mess that existed under the bed. He could practically hear it celebrating its freedom.

He looked over to Hobbes, who had his ear to the door. "Who is it?"

"It's your Mom, by the sound of it," Hobbes answered.

Calvin nodded. "Go away!" he yelled at the door.

"Calvin?" came Mom's voice from the other side of the door. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine!" Calvin shouted irritably.

"What are you doing?" asked Mom.

"It's none of your business, really," replied Calvin, "but if you must know, I'm playing a game with Hobbes."

"That's nice," said Mom.

"Yeah, and you're interrupting it!" Calvin shot back. "It's my turn, and I can't concentrate when someone's talking to me. Geez!"

Hobbes listened at the door for a moment. "She's gone," he said eventually. Hobbes sauntered back to the game and sat down. He looked at the game. "Have you moved yet?"

"Uh…no."

"What for?"

"I, uh…The die jumped out of my hand."

"You mean you lost it?"

"No; _misplaced_ would be a better word. And don't blame me; blame Mom. If she hadn't have knocked, the die wouldn't have hurt me. Didn't you see?"

Hobbes frowned. "What are you talking about? It 'hurt' you? I saw you jump. Is that how you 'misplaced' it?" Although he had seen Calvin jump, Hobbes had not seen the die rolling under the bed. He'd just assumed Calvin had still held it in his hand until Calvin had said he didn't.

"Were you paying actual attention or were you just giving me a passing glance?" Calvin responded. "The die hurt me so it could escape! That's why I jumped. It completely had nothing to do with me getting a fright at Mom knocking and me losing the die that way."

"It looked more like you got a shock when there was the knock at the door. But I'm not blaming you for anything. Accidents happen."

Calvin glared in the direction the die had gone, and he stood up. "Let's look for it."

"Why don't you just get the other die from the box and roll again? We can look for it later."

"I'm not rolling the other die! I used my turn on the real one, so I have to find it," Calvin said.

"It'll take ages to find it in here. Knowing the amount of junk you've got in here, we've got little-to-no chance of ever seeing it again."

"I saw it go under the bed. Don't worry; the monsters are probably nocturnal, so they won't harm you."

"Yeah…Wait! _Me_?"

Calvin looked at the board, and his eyes gleamed evilly as an idea came into his head. "Come on, Hobbes," he said, "surely you can find it? You're always talking about how tigers are better at finding things than people, so why don't you prove it?"

Hobbes, goaded into not wanting to make his species look weak and powerless, jumped up. "Of course," he said, and he leapt over to the bed to look for the die.

"Yeah, you look for it," Calvin said absent-mindedly. He kept on watching Hobbes, who was on all fours and sifting through comics and garbage. As soon as Hobbes was completely immersed in searching, Calvin took his counter and moved it forward a few squares. "You know what dice are like," Calvin continued innocently. "They'll do anything to make a break for freedom. It's because they don't like being thrown all the time; they get dizzy easily, so they want a better life."

"Found it," Hobbes called after a moment. "It landed on a 5," he said as he made his way back to the game. He sat back down, and Calvin was sure Hobbes hadn't suspected anything had happened. It certainly didn't show on his face.

"Oh good. Not what I wanted, but 5 is close enough," Calvin stated with glee, and he moved his counter forward five squares…only to find he had landed on a snake that lead back to square 63 – the same square he had started on at the beginning of this chapter.

"Remember, if you land on a snake, you go down. That's the rules," Hobbes reminded him.

"Huh, that's rich," Calvin muttered as he put his counter down to the lower square. "What a stupid place to put a snake."

"It sure is," Hobbes chuckled. "Anyway, it's my turn now…hey, where's the die?"

"What are you talking about, furball? It's right there…" Calvin pointed to where the die should have been, only to find empty air. "It's vanished! You haven't eaten it, have you?"

"Urgh, no," said Hobbes. "I'll get the other die," he added, and he reached into the box for the second die, but to his surprise…"The other one's gone as well! How's that?"

"Hey! There they are!" Calvin shouted. He was pointing at the dice, which were both tumbling towards the bedroom door on their own. "They're trying to escape! Stop them before they get away!"

Hobbes sprang up and leapt in front of the dice, blocking their way. The dice halted and immediately began rolling in the direction of the closet. But Calvin was ready and waiting with the lid of the box. He held it menacingly over the dice, trying to trap them. The dice rolled away from Calvin and into the corner, and they huddled together.

"We've got them cornered!" Calvin proclaimed as he and Hobbes advanced on the dice. "There's no escape now! Say goodbye to your freedom, miniscule plastic numbered cubes!"

And with that, Calvin slammed the lid of the box down onto the dice, covering them and trapping them.

"Quick, Hobbes! Bring me a cage to put the dice in!" Calvin ordered.

Hobbes looked about the room, and handed Calvin a pot of pens. He emptied the pens on the floor.

"That's not what I asked for," said Calvin, "but it'll have to do. I'm going to lift this up now. Brace yourself in case they try to escape again."

"Right."

Calvin slowly lifted the lid, revealing the two dice…but they were still. Calvin and Hobbes remained still for a moment, looking for any sign of movement, but there was none. Hobbes crouched down and prodded one of the dice.

"They're not moving anymore," he said.

"Obviously," replied Calvin.

"Huh…that was weird," said Hobbes as he stood back up. "And I've seen some strange things over the years."

Calvin picked the dice up. He held them up to his eyes and frowned. "Do you think we imagined that whole thing?"

"I don't know…Either that or you suffocated them to death with the lid."

"NO!" Calvin gasped. "We imagined it! Nothing else! I'm not a murderer! And I blame Mom for all this. If she hadn't interrupted us, I wouldn't have jumped…"

"So you _did_ get a shock?" Hobbes grinned.

Calvin groaned. "Let's just carry on like before. Just pretend nothing happened."

Hobbes nodded and made his way back over to the game, but before Calvin followed, he put the dice in the pen pot for safe measures.

* * *

**Yay, randomness! If the bike is an inanimate object that can move about on its own, then so can the dice. The bike likes to scare Calvin, but all the poor dice wanted to do was escape to a better life together. Aww.**

…**Or _did_ they? :-/**

**Anyway, coming up, the final chapter. Who will win?**


	5. Chapter 5

_Calvin is on square 95_

_Hobbes is on square 78_

* * *

The game had carried on without a hitch…well, almost. After the incident with the dice, Calvin had quickly left the room to wash his hands of any crime, just in case the incident had not been imagined, and upon his return, he accused Hobbes of moving the counters in his absence. Hobbes somehow managed to convince him otherwise, and they were back to playing their game. Now, the game was nearly over. If Calvin rolled a 5, he would win.

Hobbes went to pick up the die to take a turn, when he looked up from the game. "Hey, look out the window," he said.

Calvin looked up to the window. There were no clouds in the sky now, and it appeared that there hadn't been any for some time. Sunshine beamed down from the heavens and shone through the window, and birds tweeted from nearby. The storm had passed without them realising.

"What about it?" Calvin asked.

"The weather's fine. See?"

"So?"

Hobbes stood up. "Well…that means we can get down to some Calvinball! Remember?"

"No! Not yet! We still need to settle this game first!"

"But we've been meaning to play Calvinball since the storm began. Nobody's going to touch the Snakes and Ladders game while we're outside."

"But look at how far we've gotten!" Calvin pointed at the game. His counter was on square 95, and Hobbes's counter was on square 78. "We can't abandon this game at such a crucial point, and not while I'm in the right frame of mind and about to win!"

Calvin was bound to win, now that square 100 was in clear sight. Plus, Hobbes hadn't seemed to have noticed Calvin shifting the counters throughout the game to get to the finish first and win.

"Alright, we'll finish this," Hobbes said calmly, and he went to pick up the die. "This isn't like you to delay Calvinball…"

"What are you doing? It's my go!" Calvin demanded.

"_Here we go_," Hobbes muttered to himself. He turned to Calvin. "I was about to take my turn when I noticed the weather. Remember?"

Calvin scowled. "Huh. Fine then, cheater."

"I'm a tiger, not a cheetah. That's an insult!" said Hobbes. He started rolling the die. "I don't like cheetahs. They're too shifty and big-headed in my opinion. And I don't like lions either. What's up with their manes? They look ridiculous."

The die landed on a 3, and Hobbes moved his counter to square 81. On it was a ladder that took the counter to square 94.

"I'm nearly there!" Hobbes proclaimed. "I just need a 6 to win."

"Yeah, well I only need a 5 to win, and I'm going to get it!" Calvin picked the die up and prepared to roll it. "You say cheetahs are big-headed? You're going down, tiger!" he said. Calvin started rolling the die. "Open the window, Hobbes. I need fresh air to help me concentrate in getting the winning 5."

Hobbes opened the window and sat back down. "It looks like it hasn't been raining for awhile. Everything outside looks dry."

"Yeah yeah, don't distract me or you'll be disqualified." Calvin rolled the die, and it landed on a 2. Calvin groaned, and moved his counter to square 97…which contained a snake that lead to square 41.

"You mean _you're_ going down?" Hobbes said solemnly.

"Rats! What a malicious place to put a snake! Why is it that snakes are used in this game to signify defeat?" Calvin said as he moved his counter to square 41. "What if snakes felt offended by them being depicted like this? They could've just used a slide or an icy road instead."

"I don't know," said Hobbes, "but all I can think about now is getting a perfect roll."

As Hobbes rolled the die, Calvin prayed. "Hey there, God…I don't know you personally, but if you really do exist, please make Hobbes lose. And then fry Moe for stealing my lunch money yesterday. I'll be so grateful!"

Hobbes let the die roll onto the board…and it landed on a 6!

"I won!" Hobbes cried. He quickly moved the counter onto square 100, signalling victory.

Calvin didn't say anything. He just sat there and stared at the game.

"I can't believe I won!" Hobbes said ecstatically. "It's like what my dad used to tell me: cheetahs may run faster, but they don't last as long."

Of course, the words 'cheetah' sounds the same as 'cheater'. Calvin got the hint, and in a moment of fury, picked up both dice and flung them at Hobbes. Hobbes yelped and ducked out of the way. The dice shot through the air like bullets, flew out of the open window, and…

SPLOSH!

"ARGH!"

Calvin and Hobbes rushed to the window to have a look. There, in next door's garden, was Susie Derkins, sitting at one of her girly tea parties with Mr. Bun and several other dolls. As if by a complete stroke of luck, the dice had landed in the cup Susie was holding, and its contents – cold water, to be precise – had splashed all over her!

"Wow!" Calvin gasped in amazement. "Look, Hobbes! Look! Did you see that? A perfect strike!"

"At least they didn't hit a window or anything," Hobbes commented. He didn't seem as amazed as Calvin.

"Calvin, you creep!" yelled Susie, glaring up at Calvin's window. "Look what you've done! Now I'm all wet!"

But Calvin just ignored Susie. "All of a sudden, I don't feel angry about losing that game anymore!" he said to Hobbes. "It was worth it just to see that look on Susie's face."

"Speaking of games," said Hobbes, "what about that game of Calvinball we were going to play?"

"Yeah! Time for some Calvinball!" Calvin headed over to the door. "Come on, Hobbes ol' buddy! And this time, _you're_ going to lose!"

And the two friends rushed down the stairs to play Calvinball outside.

THE END


End file.
